Unhappy? You Can Fix That.
There are two versions of you:
Your actual self your ideal self.
Your actual self is who you are and how you are living, right now.
Your ideal self is who you would like to become, or who you are in the process of becoming.
There is an abyss which exists within these two realms of being, and you’ve become too comfortable there. You can see the summit of the peak you’d like to reach and know you could get there, but you don’t move. You remain suspended in a state of analysis paralysis, too afraid to step out of what’s comfortable. Nothing changes, and your unhappiness persists.
Keep Dreaming and That’s all You Will Ever Do.
If you are unhappy, you can fix that…but it ain’t gonna be easy.
If all you do is fantasize and dream about the life you want but take no action towards that dream, you are not living up to your potential, and you will continue to be unhappy. You’ve heard that before one million times, and so have I:
You’re not living up to your potential. You could be so _______________ but you don’t apply yourself.
I used to hear this from teachers, coaches, employers, and even friends, but it fell on deaf ears, because I couldn’t see myself anyway than I was at that time in my life. I was too afraid to try. Why does it matter what other people think about your potential? It doesn’t. Not at all. What others think about you and your choices is none of your business. They only know part of your story, but you know all of your story, and there is no hiding from yourself. You have an idea in your mind right this second about what your ideal self, and life, could be. You don’t move towards that. You continue to spin your wheels, and you continue to be unhappy.
When a client or student tells me they’ve always wanted to start their own business, travel the world, lose a bunch of weight, stop smoking or drinking, ask a certain person out on a date – it could be anything – I ask how long they’ve wanted to do this thing. Some things sound good in the moment, of course, and what sounds good today might not sound good tomorrow.
If I hear “I’ve wanted to start my own business for as long as I can remember”, that’s the voice of God speaking. Don’t want to call this God’s Voice? That’s fine. Call it what you want, but it is absolutely something Divine, guiding you towards your ideal self. Believe that. Not following the guidance of this inner voice is the root cause of your unhappiness. Remember: If you are unhappy, you can fix that. The answer to your unhappiness lives within you, not outside of you.
Movement is the Antidote to Your Unhappiness
What matters is that you know you’re not living up to your potential. You have a dream, but it’s just that – a dream – because you’ve not taken any concrete steps to make that dream come alive. You could be working a job that’s paying you well, but you really want to be doing something different. That something different might require you to go back to school, get some sort of training, save your money, work on your ideas once the kids go to bed, or make a business plan, but you don’t do any of that. You are unwilling to get off your ass, and that’s where the magic starts to happen in moving towards your ideal self.
Writing this is helping me to inch closer to my ideal self. I don’t really want to be writing at this hour; I worked a ten-hour day seeing clients and doing managerial tasks, writing treatment plans, attending staff meetings, and sending emails. I picked up my daughter, cooked dinner, cleaned up the house, graded college papers, responded to students’ discussion board postings, and updated the gradebook.
The work I do isn’t physically exhausting, but it can be mentally and emotionally taxing. I’m tired and would like to turn on the T.V. and zone out to some random garbage on Netflix, but I’m not doing that. I’m doing this. I’m not motivated, I’m disciplined, and I’m nothing special. Discipline takes no special skill. We are not born with it. We create it. We sustain it. It’s a choice. Does my ideal self-care that I’m tired? It doesn’t. Does my actual self scream for me to kick up my feet and watch some stupid show on the idiot box? You bet it does, but I’m not listening to that voice. I’m simply doing what I know will bring me closer to where I want to be. When I live my life this way, there is no room for unhappiness. None.
If You are Unhappy, Fix it.
If you only do what is comfortable, convenient, and familiar, how can you ever expect to feel better? Are you laying in bed, reading this on your phone, all cuddled in and safe, while your ideal self is begging you to get to work? Unhappiness, depression, anxiety, and despondency are all voices from your ideal self that you are not living up to your potential. You are settling, and you will never find peace until you see what you’re made of. Comfort is killing the dream inside you right now.
Now get to work.
