Your dreams die in your comfort zone

Comfort is killing your soul.

Your dreams die in your comfort zone.

The first time I heard this statement uttered my life began to change. I began to question why I continued doing those things which were not serving me and getting me closer to where I wanted to be in life. Your comfort zone is probably much like mine, and is a recipe of maladaptive behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes towards yourself and your life – defenses you’ve developed which you guard fiercely without really knowing it. Metaphorically, it’s warm, familiar place. It’s got nice couches, maybe a T.V., all the food you could ever eat, and all your favorite things. It is the most predictable place you know, and within its walls exists no risk. You live in this space and don’t question it because it’s become such a part of you. That can change today, if you are willing.

The comfort zone is so damn comfortable you never really want to leave. It’s a space that has been developed over a period of years to your exact specifications without you even knowing it. It was made for you, by you, to stay protected against the chance and unpredictability of life. You’ve probably become chained to some bullshit idea of who you are and what you’re capable of. You live you life based on these ideas, but that’s all they are – ideas – and those ideas can change.

There are windows in your comfort zone. Lots of windows. Big  windows that look in every direction, giving you a perfect view of what might be happening outside your fortress of comfort on the unknown road, that place where you find the work and purpose to launch you towards your ideal self. Because you’ve become chained to your ideas, attitudes, and behaviors you can only see as far as your human eyes allow. You can see just enough to convince yourself that the unknown road is a dangerous place. You begin a dialogue within your own mind – a conversation you’ve been having with yourself most of your life, that convinces you to stay within the walls of your cocoon. Your dreams die in your comfort zone.

Your comfort zone has you chained.

Your comfort zone has been slowly and silently killing you for most of your life. It happens so slowly you don’t even realize it. This type of death is akin to dying from one-million paper cuts, one cut at a time. You are not challenged within your comfort zone and your internal dialogue and life becomes a script – a series of tasks you check off every day – which equate to nothing more than a simple existence. You go through the paces of life like everyone around you and wait for the weekend. Nothing changes because nothing changes.

It is not the fear of trying a new thing that’s kept you in the comfort zone, it’s the uncertainty of the outcome. The fear of trying. The fear of being judged. The fear of being different and the fear of failing. Leaving your comfort zone is, well, uncomfortable. It’s unpredictable, unknown, uncharted territory, and often damn scary. To really live, you’ve got to get uncomfortable. You must dive into the abyss. Once you do, you won’t want to live any other way.

Move Towards Your Ideal Self

I often use clients I’ve worked with or students I’ve taught as examples. In this case, you are the example. I’d like you to consider something:

What would your ideal self look like?

What would your ideal life look like?

In solution focused therapy, we use something called the miracle question, and now I’m asking that exact question of you:

Imagine you woke up tomorrow and your life was exactly how you would like it to be. What would that look like and what would be different?

Get Uncomfortable to Change

Your answer to the miracle question signifies your ideal self and your ideal life. The question is not whether you have an ideal self or ideal life – you do. We all do. Getting uncomfortable and making that your new norm will give you the life you want. Good discomfort – the kind that challenges you – will change you. It will take time, but it will happen. I promise. The alternative is to keep living the same way you always have. That’s okay, too, but nothing will change. Remember, your dreams die in your comfort zone.

The script you’ve developed about who you are and what you are capable of is almost certainly wrong. Why? If that wasn’t the case, you would already be living your ideal life, as your ideal self. Your belief system has you chained to comfort and predictability, and that can stop today…but you must be willing to take action.

I’ll challenge you the same way I’d challenge a client or student:

If you don’t think you are capable of living your ideal life, where is your evidence? I don’t care about what you think the evidence is. I want cold, hard facts. Defend your case. Be concrete and precise, then disprove all the false beliefs you’ve been keeping alive all these years. Those beliefs are what has held you captive in your comfort zone, nothing else.

Challenge what you believe about yourself and your life. After all, beliefs are like the seasons – they change – and so can you. Unhappy with your lot in life? Get up and do something that sucks. Do something you have never done before. Something that scares you, and something that moves you one degree closer to who you want to be.

Stop thinking, start doing.